Friday, February 10, 2012

Peace Out NYC, Hello Quiet Me

I was born and raised in the hood.  Harlem, New York City.  I was raised to be an over achiever and go after my dreams because if I just put my mind to it I could do anything.  And I believed that.  And I still do.  But the anxiety, the stress and the pressure that comes with being a New Yorker fighting to be on top of the world is too much.  Last year I was on the verge of panic attacks.  No matter how much yoga I did, no matter how many walks in the park I took, I just couldn't seem to relax.  Always, in the back of my mind was my hustle, my work, my schedule, my goals.  Last year, I was rushing everywhere.  Last year, I was so stressed and anxious I couldn't even sit down to write.  And my dream is to write.  And at some point I asked myself, if my dreams bring so much stress, are they really my dreams?

Then I moved out of NYC.  I took several deep breaths.  I read a lot of Lao Tzu and even watched a few Oprah's.  And most of all I did a lot of thinking.  I didn't discover anything I didn't already know. I mean, intellectually, I knew what it meant to slow down.  I know about being in the moment, and the importance of staying present.  But I failed to internalize it, partly because it's hard to remain calm on the A train in rush hour.  Partly because I hadn't reached a breaking point.  And partly because I am NYC, I am the hustle and the bustle and I love it.  However, I've recognized that stress stunts my productivity, my creativity and my growth as an artist.  I now realize that anxiety doesn't energize me, it breaks me down.  So, I'm going with the flow now.  I moved to So Cal and I love it here.

Now, I'm not saying it's not possible to be totally zen in midtown Manhattan.  I'm not saying I'm totally zen now in So-Cal.  But it took me changing my life just slightly to reassess things.  This blog is my way of documenting my journey to slow down, to live a more quiet, peaceful life, a life of purpose, a life that I love and along the way I'll achieve my dreams.

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